i need the opinions of men and woman
ok this is the deal ive been with my wife 4 12 years and have 3 kids with her shes always worked in restaurants waitressing and some bartending but now she doesnt want 2 do the restaurant thing anymore and got a job as a bartender in a whole in the wall white trash bar and im having a very hard time excepting for 1 she doesnt get home til 4 in the morning and then has 2 turn around and be up at 7 to get the kids 2 school and most of the time she smells like a brewery like shes been drinking all night which she never been much of a drinker and ive always let her do what she wants she says its just a job but now on the night she goes out with her girlfriends shes all of a sudden going 2 the bar on her nights and she knows how i feel does anybody think if she loves me she should except my wishes and leave the bar or should i just go against everything i believe in and hope nothing happens 2 her cause it has already affected her personality towards me and the children and pretty much her whole attitude towards everybody has changed except her 1 girl friend but when u question her or try 2 say something 2 her she gets so defensive and says i sound like her father mind u i would never do anything that she wouldnt like like that so why should it be ok that she does it 2 me
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Kaleigh on -
Well if there is children involved she shouldnt be working at a bar in the first place,yet there are strippers with children unfortunately.Anyway if she has a sudden change in personality she probaly is dealing with rude ppl at the bar well its a bar duh!But she shouldnt take that personality home ,maybe she just hasnt learned that yet....
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Permalink Reply by Nyota1 on -
Well, I'm not sure what to advise but I would say that you have to get her to quit that job asap. Getting home at 4 am is unacceptable. That isn't any kind of life for a young woman. Can you afford to get by without that salary? What else is your wife qualified to do? Can she get an office job? How many nights a week does she work? What about Starbucks? They have really good benefits and flexible hours. She might even be able to get a job as a manager. You don't have to have a lot of experience to be a manager there. Maybe you can take her out for dinner and really have a heart to heart talk. I'm not sure of the best way but I definitely think you need to get her out of that job. A good website to find a job is indeed.com. That site shows jobs from all of the major job websites and brings them into one place. Please let us know how it goes. Nyota1 P.S. Can you get the support of her Mother, Father, or sisters/brothers?
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Permalink Reply by MARINA on
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Your wife really needs to quit that job ASAP.
That is a terrible job to have especially if your married because of the many temptations that are there.
There will only be more problems if she stays.
She is doing much harm to herself and to your family.
She really needs help because she can't see the harm that she is doing.
If she is drinking, you don't even want to thnk of the stuff she could end up doing.
She needs to get out of that job before it ruins you marriage.
I do wish you the best of luck.
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Permalink Reply by TimG on -
Cliff:
If you are having marital problems, it is between you and she to sort out.
The only thing I can advise is: if she feels like talking to you is like talking to her father, then change your tactics. If she felt like it wasn't safe to talk to her father, then what makes talking to you any different? It must be SAFE for her to talk to you (ie. she can't feel like there is going to be a "punishment" or "degredation" when she speaks). If it's not SAFE, she won't talk.
And that goes for any human, doesn't it?
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Permalink Reply by Terrie on
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When she accused you of acting like her father, well.................................I think you see all the red flags and you should realize your marriage may be in jeopardy.
You have every right to ask questions of her, and she has no right to get mad at you about any of your questions that you might ask. If you can't ask, how will you know? I read in a book once, that whatever you do, you do not want to show her your own desperation that you are feeling or that you would do just anything to save your marriage, to include allowing her to work at some slum bar. Above all else, you must still maintain your own self respect and not resort to begging her. That will just make her despise you even more.
Cliff, I don't know why your marriage is in trouble, but I believe you both ought to sit down with a good Christian counselor and go for some marriage counseling. This avenue provides you both an outlet with unbiased advice, with no fear of favoritism bestowed.
In my own marriage, there are just certain things I will not tolerate, and there are certain things that Jerry will not tolerate. We both understand and respect this about each other.
I think you have every right to make some demands, and to even have them met. Ask her what she is looking for; maybe you were not aware of her needs. Once you have been made aware, of course there is an obligation for you to try to meet them if you think you have been deficient. At any rate, you both have children, and she still has an obligation to them. Don't be afraid to talk to her. It is so sad, it seems the little ones suffer the most when mom and dad fight with each other.
If you have only been married 4 1/2 years and have 3 kids, she might feel overwhelmed and taken for granted. Taking care of three little ones is extremely demanding and a very thankless job; but a very important job, none the less. Although it is wrong, society has made women feel they are less of a person for taking care of their babies or for being a good wife and mother. Does she know this? Do you thank her? Nothing can ever replace a Mother. Maybe she is worn out from working a public job and taking care of three little ones. Whatever she has decided her reasons are, I do think your marriage is in trouble and you need marriage counseling. Don't take to worrying, this will only make matters worse; just become pro-active to save your marriage. Good luck.
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