Laugh for Health

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Comment by Weylon on May 10, 2009 at 7:50am

Come on...MAKE ME LAUGH!

Comment by TERRI-LEE on March 31, 2009 at 8:05pm

TY I ENJOY

ED THE REDNECKS STUFF ;-)

Comment by Antoinette on March 30, 2009 at 3:15pm

Nothing against rednecks but this was printed out and given to me back in 03 and I thought it was funny. Check it out!

You know you're a redneck when..........................

1.You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2.You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

3.Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.

4.Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

5.You burn your yard rather than mow it.

6.You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.

7.The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

8.Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.

9.You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

10.You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

11.You come back fom the dump with more than you took.

12.You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

13.Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.

14.You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

15.You've bathed with flea and tick soap.

16.You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

17.Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.

18.You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

19.You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

20.You have a rag for a gas cap.

21.Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.

22.You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

23.You can spit without opening your mouth.

24.You consider your license plate personalized because a relative made it.

25.Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

26.You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota.

27.You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.

28.The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

29.Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

30.You thought the Unabomber was a wrestler.

31.You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

32.You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.

33.Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always bring you home.

34.A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of improvements.

35.You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.

36.You've asked the preacher "How's it hangin?"

37.You missed 6th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

Comment by SteveSega - Free HCG Coach on March 6, 2009 at 7:19pm

It would be nice if people posted jokes as discussions so we could reply to them. :D

Comment by Tenee on March 6, 2009 at 11:04am

Graphics by Zoodu.com

Comment by Tenee on March 5, 2009 at 12:53pm

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out.. Both were very faithful and loving wives. However, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk, and walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.


One of them had nothing to wipe with, so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.


Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.


After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.


The next day one of the womens husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed -- hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst.
My wife came home with no panties!!"

That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that said.....

"From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.
"

Comment by Tenee on February 25, 2009 at 5:00pm

Comment by Tenee on February 25, 2009 at 4:58pm

A Nun Grading Papers

Can you imagine the nun sitting at her desk grading these papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure!
PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST.
KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.
.............................................................................................

1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.
4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.
6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
7 MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.
8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.
20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.

22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

Comment by AnnGbaby and Mz Kit (me on rt mom on lft) on January 22, 2009 at 9:10pm

A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church
services, when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the
act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: 'Stop! Acts 2:38!'
(Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins
may be forgiven.)
The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and
explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: 'Why
did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to
you.'
'Scripture?' replied the burglar. 'She said she had an Ax and Two 38s!'
Send this to someone who needs a laugh today and remember: Knowing
scripture can save your life - in more ways than one!

Comment by Tenee on January 19, 2009 at 1:26pm

Definitions
1.) THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female.....Any part under a car's hood.
Male.........The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2.)VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.....Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male..........Playing football without a cup.

3.) COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female.....The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male..........Leaving a note before taking off for a weekend with the boys.

4.) COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.....A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male.........Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

5.) ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.v.
Female.....A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male.........Anything that can be done while drinking, and ends with sex.

6.) FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.....An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
Male.........A source of entertainment, self-statement, male bonding.

7.) MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female.....The greatest statement of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.........Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.

8.) REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.....A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male..........A device for scanning through all 175 channels.

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