Laugh for Health

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Comment by Tenee on January 19, 2009 at 1:26pm

Boy, if this doesn't hit the nail on the head, I don't know what does!

Two patients limp into two different medical clinics, with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking, and appear to require a hip replacement.
The FIRST patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day, and has a time booked for surgery the following week.
The SECOND sees his family doctor, after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment, then waits 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week, and finally has his surgery scheduled, for a month from then.
Why the different treatment for the two patients?

The FIRST is a Golden Retriever.
The SECOND is a Senior Citizen.
Next time take me to a vet!

Comment by Tenee on January 19, 2009 at 1:26pm

BEST EVER BLONDE JOKE

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and help me.
I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started.'

Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'

The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'

He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ..' he said with a deep sigh...




(scroll down)






'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'

Comment by Tenee on January 19, 2009 at 1:26pm

Life Lessons:
Lesson #1

> A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
> shower, when the doorbell rings.
>
> The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
>
> When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
> Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $ 800 to drop that towel.'
>
> After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in
> front of Bob , after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
>
> The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
>
> When she gets to the bathroom , her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
>
> 'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
>
> 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
> Moral of the story:
> If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
> shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
> exposure.
>
>
> Lesson 2:
> A priest offered a Nun a lift.
> She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
>
> The priest nearly had an accident.
>
> After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
>
> The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
>
> The priest removed his hand.But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up
> her leg again.The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
>
> The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
>
> Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
>
> On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.It
> said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
> Moral of the story:
> If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
> opportunity.
>

Comment by TERRI-LEE on January 18, 2009 at 6:46pm

THIS WAS SENT TO MY EMAIL....AND i think this is more like what a legal document in a living will should outline ...hehe

I, , being of sound mind and body, do not
wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.
Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the
hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade
biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers/doctors
interested in simply running up the bills.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and
I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

Glass of wine
chocolate
Margarita
chocolate
Martini
Cold Beer
chocolate
Chicken fried steak
cream gravy
chocolate
Mexican food
chocolate chip cookies
French fries
chocolate
Pizza
chocolate
ice cream
cup of tea
chocolate chip cookies
Chocolate
Sex
Chocolate

It should be presumed that I won' t ever get better.
When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct
my appointed person and attending physicians to pull
the plug, reel in the tubes, let the 'fat lady sing' and call it a day!

Comment by TERRI-LEE on January 15, 2009 at 4:09pm

hahahahahaaaa! these are great..made me laff!! hahahahahaa!

Comment by Tenee on January 15, 2009 at 11:07am

Subject: Fw: Pecans in the Cemetery

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan
tree just inside the cemetery fence.

One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by
the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. 'One for
you, one for me. One for you, one for me,' said one boy. Several
dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he
passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He
slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you,
one for me. One for you, one for me.' He just knew what it was.

He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he
met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

'Come here quick,' said the boy, 'you won't believe what I
heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up
the souls.'

The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to
walk.' When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to
the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, 'One for you, one for me. One
for you, one for me.'

The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth.
Let's see if we can see the Lord.'

Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still
unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the
wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried
to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me. That's all. Now
let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done.'

They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead
of the kid on the bike.


SMILE, God Loves You

Comment by Victoria on January 14, 2009 at 12:54am

Subject: New Grocery Store
The sense of freshness... A new supermarket opened in Pulaski, Wisconsin. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, You hear the sound of istant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh cut hay. In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks and brats. In the liquor department, the fresh, clean, crisp smell of tapped Miller Lite. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies. I don't buy toilet paper there any more.






Subject: New Grocery Store
The sense of freshness... A new supermarket opened in Pulaski, Wisconsin. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, You hear the sound of istant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh cut hay. In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks and brats. In the liquor department, the fresh, clean, crisp smell of tapped Miller Lite. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies. I don't buy toilet paper there any more.

Comment by AnnGbaby and Mz Kit (me on rt mom on lft) on January 7, 2009 at 4:59pm

Comment by AnnGbaby and Mz Kit (me on rt mom on lft) on January 7, 2009 at 4:57pm

Comment by AnnGbaby and Mz Kit (me on rt mom on lft) on January 7, 2009 at 4:45pm

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