The "Bad Parent" Brainwashing
Shannon and I took Nathaniel in for his 18 month well child visit today, with much trepidation. After everything I've read in Kevin's book, as well as here on this site and on many others, and things that Shannon has heard talking with other parents and fellow Doulas and Midwives, we were very torn about what to do. We already had the appointment, though, so we figured we would take him and if nothing else say goodbye to our doctor (he's kinda like family...)
Let me preface this by saying that we don't live near his pediatrician. At all. It takes a good 45 minutes to an hour to drive there. That's challenge #1, seeing as how this morning we filled up our gas tank at a whopping $4.15 a gallon. Secondly, my insurance through my work is satisfactory if you need major medical, but for well visits and preventative care, they bomb out bad. He had a $1000 LIFETIME maximum, which needless to say with the outrageous fees doctors and medicines cost, was gone well before his 9 month checkup. So we currently owe our doctor's office over $600 that we're paying a little at a time since our insurance no longer covers anything. And thirdly, we're not sure we want to continue immunizing him.
We got to the doctor's office, and after a long chat with the billing department, were taken back. The doctor, again someone who we obviously like very much to drive that far to see, came in and did his evaluation. Nathaniel is currently 32" long, 47.5cm head circumference, and only weighs 20lbs 8oz. The doctor has never been concerned with his weight before, and said he'd rather see a slender, healthy baby than a heavy sickly baby, and my son hasn't really had as much as the sniffles before, so he's the picture of health. He eats (healthy foods) nonstop, drinks freshly juiced organic fruit and vegetable juices or filtered water, and is still breastfed as well. But this time, the doctor showed some concern with his weight, and said that he is now in the 1% range. I have issues with this. First of all, who makes these charts? They are made by a bell curve of the weight ranges for other babies his age, right? So what you're telling me is that, in a society where childhood obesity is at an all time high and we are putting poisons into our bodies on a daily basis, I should WANT my son to be average with the weight of the other babies out there? I'm HAPPY that he's in the 1% range, and scared for the other 99%!! We expressed these feelings to the doctor, and he said he wouldn't worry too much about it right now, but he wants us to come back again in 2 months for a weight check.
Nathaniel was due for only one shot today, the DTaP, which we decided the risk of the diseases outweighed the risks of the toxicity of the shot, so we agreed to give this last dose to him. We thanked the doctor, and he said the nurse would be in shortly to administer the shot. As soon as he left the room, Shannon and I looked at each other and both said the same thing...no more. No more would we be told we were bad parents because our child wasn't like all the other children that are running around. No more would be we told we would be judged poorly if we didn't take our child to well child visits or give him all of the millions of immunizations they try to push on you. From here in, we decided, we know what's best for our child, and obviously if he gets severely ill or needs medical attention we will never withhold that from him, but spending our time, money, and aggravation on these pointless well child checkups just seems absurd.
Just then, the nurse came in. We already had Nathaniel dressed, as we have found that trying to dress a toddler that has just been poked with a needle just makes matters worse, so now we dress him in loose shorts to give easy access to the thigh and allow us to keep him in his clothes. The nurse, a new nurse I believe, comes in and tells us we need to take his clothes off. We told her we'd prefer to keep him clothed and explained why. She looked a little upset that we told her no. Next she told me that I couldn't hold him, that I needed to lay him down on the table. I told her I would rather hold him, and that I was happy to make sure that his thigh was properly positioned for her (I used to work in medicine, so I know how this goes). Again, very frustrated now, she told us she didn't want to hurt him. I let her know that no matter what it was going to hurt, and wouldn't it be so much better for his emotional state if he had a loving parent holding him when it hurt rather than being forced to lay on a table? She looked dumbfounded, administered the shot, and left the room. As I expected, Nathaniel cried briefly, but my loving whispers and backrubbing quickly were able to calm him back down almost immediately.
That sealed the deal. No more. No more "bad parent" brainwashing for us!
Let me preface this by saying that we don't live near his pediatrician. At all. It takes a good 45 minutes to an hour to drive there. That's challenge #1, seeing as how this morning we filled up our gas tank at a whopping $4.15 a gallon. Secondly, my insurance through my work is satisfactory if you need major medical, but for well visits and preventative care, they bomb out bad. He had a $1000 LIFETIME maximum, which needless to say with the outrageous fees doctors and medicines cost, was gone well before his 9 month checkup. So we currently owe our doctor's office over $600 that we're paying a little at a time since our insurance no longer covers anything. And thirdly, we're not sure we want to continue immunizing him.
We got to the doctor's office, and after a long chat with the billing department, were taken back. The doctor, again someone who we obviously like very much to drive that far to see, came in and did his evaluation. Nathaniel is currently 32" long, 47.5cm head circumference, and only weighs 20lbs 8oz. The doctor has never been concerned with his weight before, and said he'd rather see a slender, healthy baby than a heavy sickly baby, and my son hasn't really had as much as the sniffles before, so he's the picture of health. He eats (healthy foods) nonstop, drinks freshly juiced organic fruit and vegetable juices or filtered water, and is still breastfed as well. But this time, the doctor showed some concern with his weight, and said that he is now in the 1% range. I have issues with this. First of all, who makes these charts? They are made by a bell curve of the weight ranges for other babies his age, right? So what you're telling me is that, in a society where childhood obesity is at an all time high and we are putting poisons into our bodies on a daily basis, I should WANT my son to be average with the weight of the other babies out there? I'm HAPPY that he's in the 1% range, and scared for the other 99%!! We expressed these feelings to the doctor, and he said he wouldn't worry too much about it right now, but he wants us to come back again in 2 months for a weight check.
Nathaniel was due for only one shot today, the DTaP, which we decided the risk of the diseases outweighed the risks of the toxicity of the shot, so we agreed to give this last dose to him. We thanked the doctor, and he said the nurse would be in shortly to administer the shot. As soon as he left the room, Shannon and I looked at each other and both said the same thing...no more. No more would we be told we were bad parents because our child wasn't like all the other children that are running around. No more would be we told we would be judged poorly if we didn't take our child to well child visits or give him all of the millions of immunizations they try to push on you. From here in, we decided, we know what's best for our child, and obviously if he gets severely ill or needs medical attention we will never withhold that from him, but spending our time, money, and aggravation on these pointless well child checkups just seems absurd.
Just then, the nurse came in. We already had Nathaniel dressed, as we have found that trying to dress a toddler that has just been poked with a needle just makes matters worse, so now we dress him in loose shorts to give easy access to the thigh and allow us to keep him in his clothes. The nurse, a new nurse I believe, comes in and tells us we need to take his clothes off. We told her we'd prefer to keep him clothed and explained why. She looked a little upset that we told her no. Next she told me that I couldn't hold him, that I needed to lay him down on the table. I told her I would rather hold him, and that I was happy to make sure that his thigh was properly positioned for her (I used to work in medicine, so I know how this goes). Again, very frustrated now, she told us she didn't want to hurt him. I let her know that no matter what it was going to hurt, and wouldn't it be so much better for his emotional state if he had a loving parent holding him when it hurt rather than being forced to lay on a table? She looked dumbfounded, administered the shot, and left the room. As I expected, Nathaniel cried briefly, but my loving whispers and backrubbing quickly were able to calm him back down almost immediately.
That sealed the deal. No more. No more "bad parent" brainwashing for us!
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